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Opinion: 'Hot or not?' Trust me, you're beautiful
A growing number of YouTube videos show teens asking viewers to rate their level of attractiveness.
March 4th, 2012
06:00 AM ET

Opinion: 'Hot or not?' Trust me, you're beautiful

Editor's note: Teddi Noel Mattox is a 15-year-old freshman at Montclair High School in New Jersey. She's a writer, singer/songwriter, rower on the crew team and Nutella addict. She hopes to travel the world and help those in need.

By Teddi Noel Mattox, Special to CNN

(CNN) - Growing up in this generation, I’ve seen more than my fair share of trends, some stupid, some dangerous, and a lot just plain weird.

In a world where teens like me hear many messages encouraging us to be ourselves, it always confuses me when the same people spreading those messages turn around and ask us to do “what’s in” or “what’s hot” at the moment.

Unfortunately, what's "in” at the moment is something a lot of girls my age are doing, posting “Hot or not?” videos on YouTube. The whole premise of this is to post a video of yourself and ask viewers if they find you attractive.

Even though some comments are really encouraging and sweet, quite a few are not. As a teen, I know full well this may not even have much to do with how a teen looks. Some people post offensive comments on YouTube because they can. This is just one of the many disturbing problems with this trend.

As the “Hot or not?” videos get really popular and the answers get more diverse, it’s easy to get distracted and let the negativity get to you. Especially with girls, we can look at 100 good comments and if there is one particularly nasty one, that’s the only one that stays in our heads. We hear so much from adults about how fragile our self-esteem is - and sometimes we hear it so much it can get annoying - but in reality, it’s very true.

I have never posted a video asking people if I was attractive because I know that one negative comment has the chance of ruining a very good day. Teenage girls are just at a really confusing and awkward part of our lives where we are trying to figure out what we want to do, who we are and where we can fit in. To hear people online calling you “ugly” or “fat,” anything that could make us feel worse about ourselves really damages us.

When I was in eighth grade, a lot of my friends were getting Formspring accounts. Formspring is another form of social media in which people can anonymously write what they really think about each other. Some of my friends got wrapped up in this and many mean things were said, which led to a lot of drama.  I wanted a Formspring account too, mainly because my friends were all getting them, but also because I wanted to know what people really thought of me.

My mother researched it and told me that I would not be getting an account anytime in the near future. I eventually let it go, and while some of my friends still have their accounts, I really do think it was a passing trend. That doesn’t erase the damage that was done by the hurtful comments a person could’ve posted. We may not even realize how much it can damage us until one day we try to be confident and the mental image of one of those comments pops into our minds.

I can actually remember every offensive thing a person has said to me throughout the course of my life. I try not to hold a grudge, but when someone you care about, or even someone you don't know, says something that hurts your feelings, it takes most people a lot more than a few days or even months to get over those comments.

It’s been my New Year's resolution to be a bit more positive this year, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and try to find some good in this trend. When people are faced with challenges, they have two choices. They can either let it define them or overcome those challenges and become stronger. If a person is going through a difficult time because of negative comments, it’s often in those times that people find out who their true friends are.

What these girls posting videos on YouTube need to know is that the people posting comments have never met them, and therefore haven’t even gotten a chance to know how beautiful they really are. So, they shouldn't let these people get into their heads.

But before completely shunning this new trend, it is important to understand why it is important to many girls my age to seek out compliments and approval. We really do need more positive messages.

If everyone felt beautiful from the inside out, this trend wouldn’t even be happening. So to girls everywhere reading this, take it from someone who had to go through a lot emotionally: You are beautiful, no matter what size, shape, or color you are. Love yourself for you, embrace your individuality and own it.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Teddi Noel Mattox.

Posted by
Filed under: Age • Bullying • Gender • How we look • What we think • Women
soundoff (334 Responses)
  1. Fabian Masterman

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    July 3, 2013 at 8:59 pm | Report abuse |
  2. Imperfect

    Teddi, thank you for having the courage to write this and to share your feelings. Not only are you truly beautiful, but your intelligence and talent for writing show that you are, and will be, "hot" in ways that go far beyond your physical beauty. Keep up the good work!

    March 11, 2012 at 10:38 pm | Report abuse |
  3. Prudence Harrison

    So true beauty is only skin deep. And it does not matter what you look like. But people don't need to constantly be told they are pretty and perfect but be told it does not matter. And to embrace and accept their ugliness. The people make fourmspring accounts and YouTube videos asking are they pretty are a bunch of idiots it should not matter. I don't need to be told to be me. The people who do these things are ego driven and think people actually care how they look. I mean to think people actually care is so egotistically and crazy. They are just setting themselves up for trouble.

    March 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm | Report abuse |
  4. justin

    beauty is who you are, not what you look like. i know a ton of ugly "pretty" girls and a ton of beautiful "normal" girls. i'd rather marry the beautiful "normal" girl once than have four or five ugly "pretty" ex-wives

    March 8, 2012 at 4:28 pm | Report abuse |
  5. Juhnut

    Wow, some of you people hating on Teddi's article are real idiots. How old are you? Times have changed, technology has improved. Girls are more self conscious because they are exposed to magazines where everything is photoshopped, and they do not realize that. Most of us have facebooks and other social websites, where people can hate on us anonymously, the more we get made fun of the more we get depressed about ourselves. This may be about those videos but most of the time we don't have to put ourselves out there to get noticed. It's just a matter of what the girl wears, or how she looks, that can get someone to make a rude comment. Teenage girls can be quite evil to one another, and it is hard to make it through that. So unless your a teenage girl of today, you have no idea what it truely is like...so don't hate on this article.

    March 7, 2012 at 7:43 pm | Report abuse |
  6. Laureth

    I'm glad the internet as we kow it didn't exist when I was a teenager(in the 80's). I can just imagine what I would have read about myself from the other kids I knew. I was the ugly girl in high school. Guys I didn't even know would walk up to me and say "You're ugly." and walk away laughing. In all honesty I didn't do anything to improve the way I looked. I didn't have much of a personality either. When I was in college I cut my hair, got contacts and lost 20 pounds. I came out of my shell after that. I'm no super model, but I'm happy with the way I look and wouldn't want to be a super model. My husband loves me just the way I am. I went to a high school reunion recently and all the guys who used to make fun of me are fat and bald now. Karma.

    March 6, 2012 at 7:34 am | Report abuse |
    • men are trained to hate women

      men are trained to hate women.

      March 8, 2012 at 7:34 pm | Report abuse |
      • Don

        That's like saying (all) women are trained to hate men. It's a stupid statement.

        March 14, 2012 at 12:26 am | Report abuse |
  7. Narsis

    I am amazed by this lady who is same age as me yet i myself too lacks confidence due to being bullied, parent abuse and my ugly looks but then again after i read this i am just simply amazed yet a little more confident

    March 6, 2012 at 2:12 am | Report abuse |
  8. mk

    Ah, the Internet. My family first got a computer when I was 12 (1996) and I remember getting the Internet in 1998. Few of my friends had screennames at that time, so I mainly chatted with fellow Star Wars fans I met in chat rooms (remember those?) and the 5 kids at school whose parents let them use the Internet (it was a big deal to let your middle schooler use online communication back then). Sure, there were some less-than-friendly sorts who created fake screennames to send rude "you're ugly" or "you're fat" messages via IM but they were promptly ignored. The funny thing is, while I may have taken a few years to mature into my beauty, those who sent those messages to me are now wilted flowers if not weeds. Some people take time to grow into their beauty, others peak and fade away. What you look like at 16 will not matter ten, twenty, thirty years later.

    People I went to school with barely recognize me because I "look so different." You'd be surprised at how many men, who at 16 years old rejected me for being "ugly" send me messages asking me out to dinner. No thanks!

    March 5, 2012 at 10:26 pm | Report abuse |
  9. Nathan

    I hate to be the jerk, but telling every girl she is attractive is not productive. Almost no girls are naturally "ugly," but the problem today is we have lots of obese girls. Telling those girls that they do not need to change their lifestyle is, in the long term, not helpful. I have known lots of large girls that live in a delusional world where guys will be attracted to them because of their faces. Evolution has programmed us to select women that are physically fit to breed, and if a woman is overweight it sends the message she is not going to be a good mother to us.
    I love everybody, I try to be helpful. A large friend of mine asked me why guys never wanted to have more than one night stands with her. I told her that guys don't want to tell anyone they slept with an obese girl. She said I was shallow and never spoke to me again. Oh well.

    March 5, 2012 at 8:27 pm | Report abuse |
    • Nathan

      Wanted to clarify – I am in no way saying we want wafer thin girls. The problem is there are so many girls that are larger than me. I do not want a girl is larger than me.

      March 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • ummm

      You should not have to be so direct with your friend. You could of said it better by saying she would more attractive if she exercised and had more self confindents in herself instead of giving it out on the first night.

      March 5, 2012 at 8:46 pm | Report abuse |
    • BobTBuilder

      Well put. Most women are good looking until they eat the whole bag of cheetos and order to many lattes from Starbucks.

      March 5, 2012 at 10:10 pm | Report abuse |
    • BobTBuilder

      Although, isn't there a certain percentage of the male population that likes "thick" girls?

      March 5, 2012 at 10:11 pm | Report abuse |
      • FlyGuyinSJ

        Yes, but it is a small minority. If people want to restrict their choices to guys who have a fat fetish or who are themselves fat, that's their business. But setting aside the physical and mental health issues of obesity, that is really limiting the selection.

        March 8, 2012 at 4:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • informedunionvoter

      Of course there are no overweight guys, right Nathan? How much do you weigh?

      March 6, 2012 at 12:32 am | Report abuse |
      • FlyGuyinSJ

        What he weighs doesn't really matter. He said he doesn't want anyone bigger than he is. That's not an unreasonable position.

        Nor did he say there aren't any overweight guys. You're putting words in this mouth.

        That said, weight is generally more of a deal-breaker for men than women; it's not uncommon to see a non-fat woman with a much larger guy, but the reverse is far rarer. I'm not calling it right or fair, but the fact on the ground is that fat women have a harder time getting dates than fat men. So if you choose to be fat (and it is a choice; I'm about 20 pounds overweight myself, but the things I'd have to give up to get more exercise in my very tight schedule are more important to me than losing the weight).

        March 8, 2012 at 4:43 pm | Report abuse |
  10. Fitro

    I'll never have a girlfriend way it looks. Too ugly. Too little money. And a short pee pee. I am screwed, I mean not literally, but figuratively.

    March 5, 2012 at 8:25 pm | Report abuse |
    • ummm

      Wow that sucks. Don't be so hard on yourself man. Just find a dude it is handsome ask him to be your wingman it helps

      March 5, 2012 at 8:43 pm | Report abuse |
  11. Postman

    So if people don't find you attractive what then? Gonna order a new face and body off Amazon?

    March 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm | Report abuse |
  12. Eleanor

    Wow, now there is a site called http://www.AmIUGLY.com ? and people are posting their pics for the world to rate them, i am not that brave yet!!

    March 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm | Report abuse |
  13. Aaron

    I never considered myself attractive. Not in the worldly sense. I felt I had good qualities. I didn't think I was ugly. But my dating experiences seemed to tell me that I was missing something else. A perfect body? Good skin? I don't know. I have a decent self esteem and think I can be witty, charming, articulate, fun, and romantic. These qualities just never did much for me though when it came to attracting women. I chalked it up to not being good looking enough to be boyfriend or husband material for the women I was attracted to in turn and I went nearly 20 years without a relationship. Then I met and fell in love with someone who actually loved me back. And even though I'm not in the best shape, am white as a ghost, and still have acne at 38, she thinks I'm beautiful and tells me often. I can't tell you what a boost to the self esteem it has been to be appreciated for ALL my qualities, especially for those I thought I lacked. I try to boost her in the same way, because to me, (and I think others as well), she is beautiful and amazing in every way. She isn't perfect but beauty and perfection have never been synonymous. I think we would all have a lot easier time seeing the beauty in ourselves and others if we took the time to love ourselves and others a bit more.

    March 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm | Report abuse |
  14. Brandon

    Teddi Noel Mattox – Hot ;)

    March 5, 2012 at 4:26 pm | Report abuse |
  15. Tina

    "The teenage years are tough and the internet only makes it worse."

    No, ignorant parents who by example teach their kids that money and looks are most important things in life make it worse.

    March 5, 2012 at 4:20 pm | Report abuse |
  16. Joe Berthe

    The teenage years are tough and the internet only makes it worse.

    March 5, 2012 at 4:07 pm | Report abuse |
  17. ManfredMannn

    The truth is that looks do matter for us humans, as they do in nature. The scienfitic findings that a univeral beauty for humans does exist, and that it reflects on good breeding genes, is by now an accepted fact. As someone else pointed out, now that you know the truth, that most of use were not blessed with model looks, and most guys are not 6'2" with 32" waists, and most women do not have movie star looks and hourglass figures, all we can do is either accept ourselves as we are or not. And, hopefully, as we mature, we learn to value the inner qualities of a person. That said, I'm still attracted to a "beautiful" face and body, but I'd rather marry a "normal" girl.

    March 5, 2012 at 2:21 pm | Report abuse |
  18. A&M Professor

    Your article had some good points, but you need to stop remembering everything negative thing people say about you.

    The longer you live, the more you'll have to remember and that will put you on a spiraling path to negativity.

    March 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm | Report abuse |
    • ME

      It's called Karma. I have a list in my head of everyone who has been offensive or rude to me. Some people relish that feeling of superiority they create. "What goes around comes around" and maybe someday I can return the flavor of your relish :)

      March 5, 2012 at 6:16 pm | Report abuse |
      • Rick

        I have similar lists, and after many many years, I find it tiring. People that bullied me 40 or so years ago are still in my head. I have given those f nuts more power than they deserve

        March 6, 2012 at 7:34 am | Report abuse |
  19. AndriconBoy

    Anyone with half a brain should have a sense of self-awareness enough to know whether or not they are attractive by the socially popular definition. I am realistic enough to confidently say that I am not, and it doesn’t bother me. Yeah, it affects my chances at romance, but I can only do so much with what I was given, so I just don’t care. What does bother me is when other people insist I’m “being too hard” on myself when I know I’m not. I know I’m not handsome, they know it, but god FORBID you actually say it. We live in a society where we are all supposed to think we’re these incredible, beautiful, attractive things, while at the same time we are being bombarded with standards of beauty and attraction that few of us can ever live up to (without cosmetic surgery), and we crucify people for showing the slightest signs of aging, weight, or wrinkles. The reason they try to convince you you’re attractive isn’t because they want you to feel better, but because they are uncomfortable and don’t know how to handle the statement. You caught them off guard and shattered the social window, and they are trying desperately to tape the pieces back in place so they don’t have to think about it anymore.
    There are ugly people in this world. There are people so ugly that you are even afraid to let your child near them because you equate “ugly” with “creepy” or “sinister” even if there’s nothing wrong with them aside from the shape of their skin. You patronize and placate them. You assure them that there’s “someone out there for them” even when you suspect it’s not true. We are a nation of people who are completely accepting, who can see the inner beauty, and sees the good in everyone… but only if you catch our eye first.

    March 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm | Report abuse |
  20. Toya

    It's sad how much a girls self-worth and self-image is based on one's outer beauty. In elementary, middle, and high school, I was considered ugly by a lot of my peers. We didn't have the internet until high school (I graduated in 2003) and thank God because those slap book and passed notes were bad enough. I graduated from college a couple years ago and am now a member of the workforce but those comments still linger. Everything that made me lame back then is cool now (thanks nerd hijackers) and everything that made me ugly before is hot now. So my only problem now is letting go of those comments made during my foundation years. I'm 26 and it's weird that I still get hung up on things that were said about me when I was 5 but that's how the brain works.

    The closes I've ever got to posting on Hot Or Not was a social forum that let people rate photos that members posted on their account. While I was flattered by the rating a lot of my individual photos received, in a lot of ways I know not to base anything on them because beauty is subjective.

    Now I ignore the naysayers because I know they are really a bunch of cowards. Throughout my life, I have never heard a person voice their comments about me directly; it was always behind my back or through someone else. People who ware truly on your side will speak to you directly regardless of what the issue is.

    March 5, 2012 at 12:55 pm | Report abuse |
  21. Mark

    Note to teenagers: as all of us who are older can testify, wait until your 10th, 20th, 30th etc high school reunions. Those girls everyone thought were hot in HS really go to seed. Their best days are their middle and late teen years. You'll see lots of beautiful women who were unnoticeable in HS.

    March 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm | Report abuse |
    • Toya

      So true. And I should also note that the guys who wouldn't give you the time of day back then will pursue you in the future. A lot of the guys who found me repulsive in elementary, middle, and high school have actually tried to hook up with me now that we're in our 20s. Unfortunately for them, I remember what they said so they had to move on to the next girl.

      March 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ben

      Totally agreed - I recall all my high school crushes, and look back now and say "OMG, what was I thinking???". I'm 40 now, and while there are probably a few of the traits that I liked in HS that I would still like today, most of it has changed.

      Whatever is hot today is not tomorrow. Both in the eyes of society (changing standards) and in the eyes of the beholder (changing stage of life). Granted, there are probably a few things that will be universally "not hot", like having a tumor the size of an eggplant growing out of your forehead. But for the vast majority of women and men, reality changes.

      Look back at 18th century paintings of nude women. Most of them would be overweight, probably size 14-16, by today's standards. I'm pretty sure Rembrandt and the others weren't spending their time painting ugly chicks. They painted to the standards of beauty of the day.

      March 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      I agree. At my last high school reunion (30th), the formerly hot girls were no longer hot (generally). Beauty is a marathon, not a sprint

      March 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm | Report abuse |
      • informedunionvoter

        I agree. I think the older you get the better you look because not only do you learn how to eat correctly, and excercise, but you become much more comfortable in your own skin. Confidence is attractive and being comfortable with yourself makes you easier to be around. Less game playing, too.

        March 6, 2012 at 12:43 am | Report abuse |
    • ummm

      I never went to one yet.. Guess I can in 2020 but I am to busy traveling all over the world to go to one. Would not mind see old friends.

      March 5, 2012 at 9:02 pm | Report abuse |
  22. Barney

    Only children see beauty with their eyes. As you mature, you see beauty with your eyes, ears, and heart. What was once "not attractive" becomes pleasantly imperfect and beautiful. But seeing beauty in this way only applies to those who are actually deeper than the kiddie pool. It's seeing people with God's eyes.

    March 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ha

      Spoken like a true fugly.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm | Report abuse |
    • SeattleLiz

      Well said, Barney.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      I agree, Barney. Society mandated beauty is valid primarily to those who have not had life's experiences that teach them what REAL beauty is about.

      March 5, 2012 at 3:33 pm | Report abuse |
      • ummm

        Human nature to pick the best if they can but that is the animal part of us. So, we have a brain and that lets us as humans to do better than animals well if you use it. I see ppl that just go on human nature alone without thinking about much.

        March 6, 2012 at 1:39 am | Report abuse |
  23. Jason

    It took me years of being trolled online to realize that they're just jerks hiding behind a mask of anonymity on the internet. Once I learned to ignore them and deny them the drama they so desperately seek, they faded away and those who appreciated my drama-free persona stuck around. Even many of the trolls turned around and became friends.

    This girl is wise beyond her years to have come to terms with this long before I ever did. So preach it, woman! Tell everyone to ignore the trolls and hold their head high. The trolls will never completely go away, but that's because the jealousy of someone with a high self-esteem and happiness with their life will always be there for some.

    March 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm | Report abuse |
  24. lala

    In a long life, your level of attractiveness will fluctuate. Looks definitely matter, but I think that looks can be greatly improved for anyone....taking good care of yourself and losing weight drastically changes a person's appearance.

    Learn to love yourself first, but how you present yourself to others is also a testament to how you perceive yourself and think you should be treated.

    March 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm | Report abuse |
    • lala

      I'm not going to tell my child that it's okay to let yourself go and become obese, and then delude yourself to thinking that's beautiful but in reality be depressed because of the negative comments you receive. What's on the inside starts manifesting itself on the outside.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:08 pm | Report abuse |
      • informedunionvoter

        Yes, but teach them these things as good healthcare as opposed to needing to do it or they will be social outcasts.

        March 6, 2012 at 12:47 am | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      @ lala
      I completely agree.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:50 pm | Report abuse |
  25. George B.

    Okay this is not new. There has been hot or not websites for like ever.....

    March 5, 2012 at 11:57 am | Report abuse |
  26. dtcpr

    This isn't new-I'm in my mid 20s and when I was in idk High School or College there was hotornot.com where people put up a picture and people ranked them 1-10, this was guys and girls.

    March 5, 2012 at 11:57 am | Report abuse |
  27. yahmez the mad

    I stopped commenting on YouTube videos when Google bought it out. YouTube is one of the stupidest places on the internet. The majority of the decent content is stolen. The rest is mostly attention seekers trying to get an ego fix. Computers are the greatest tools of communication ever devised. Too bad stupid people are trying to ruin that.

    March 5, 2012 at 10:21 am | Report abuse |
  28. r

    My dog thinks I'm uber gorgeous.

    March 5, 2012 at 9:46 am | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      @r
      No he just likes peanut butter.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm | Report abuse |
  29. helenecha

    What a vivid picture! Who is in the mirror? Wow! Hot!

    March 4, 2012 at 9:18 pm | Report abuse |
  30. RIOGUY

    The whole point of the hot or not trend is not to actually find out if people think they are hot or not. Its to see who can drum up the most comments. Girls know if they are hot or not. They know this from their social circles and school. The whole idea is a visual version of American Idol. These girls just want attention whether they are ugly or attractive. Just like on American Idol where some of the contestants know they can't sing they just want their fifteen minutes of fame like the girl who kept trying to get scantily clad pictures into her year book. The fad is just an attention grabber for bored teens. Of course there will be one girl who is fragile enough to commit suicide over a comment and then it will become a tradgedy

    March 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm | Report abuse |
    • JFritz

      "Hot" brought us dim bulbs like Paris Hilton and Snooki. "Hot" means underaged girls in nightclubs wearing bandaid dresses begging for attention from predator men. "Hot" means girls barely out of childhood lose what should be carefree innocense. "Hot" sells, and let's not forget, "hot" supports corporate greed.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:46 pm | Report abuse |
      • RJosh

        I think pure exploitative media and greed has generated a group of people willing to exploit children – MTV and Bratz dolls here's looking at you. My kids will be sheltered until college – then they can be free. Worked for almost every successful person I know.

        March 5, 2012 at 10:12 am | Report abuse |
      • Patrick

        @Jfritz
        The PC concept of we are all beautify ‘special’ flowers brought of an epidemic of obesity.

        March 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm | Report abuse |
      • Rick

        That is not what brought on the epidemic of obesity. Many factors contribute....both parents working, the exponential growth of junk food, kids getting more and more sedentary. Innner beauty is not among them

        March 5, 2012 at 3:38 pm | Report abuse |
  31. trumod

    Found this and I think it's along the same lines:
    http://50tonormal.blogspot.com/2011/05/you-can-make-it-better.html?showComment=1306557218928#c2501750172175985719

    March 4, 2012 at 7:42 pm | Report abuse |
  32. Drew

    In terms of psychology, it's so odd how people are mean online even when it doesn't do a thing to improve their image among others; you know, like when you [possibly] ganged up on a fellow student with your friends at school. This is why I really do ignore negative people and comments both in life and online- it's a mental sickness that I believe is contagious. I'm not going to hide under a rock to avoid these people, but I'll put a rock over them so I don't have to share in their misery.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Relictus

      Ultimately everyone does share in their misery, as it is super easy to tear down and much more difficult to build up. There is not enough love in my life – and at my age, that's very unlikely to change. Guess who pays? Well, if pain is good enough for me, it's good enough for everyone else, too.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:48 pm | Report abuse |
  33. Gabby

    I'm still a teen, and a girl at that. But honestly, my generations really stupid. I don't understand why girls my age must always all look beautiful, and are constantly craving other peoples opinions. And then one person out there doesn't like how you look and you start hurting yourself. I hate having all these stereotypes about teenage girls out there. Because most of them are correct. But its just a few years of your life. Pretty soon your looks or weight won't be important. What will be important is what you learned. If you learned to always judge yourself, how will that help you in the long run? Honestly, we're human. We aren't perfect and never will be. We just need to learn to move on, and not be in such a hurry to grow up.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Maelius

      Hardly just your generation. This has been going on for a long, long time.

      March 5, 2012 at 9:45 am | Report abuse |
    • victor

      Gabby...why do you think that "Pretty soon your looks or weight won't be important?" Your looks will always be important. It is how you see yourself that will hopefully mature. I have far more experience than you on this topic and I can tell you that the only thing which truly changes, assuming you mature, is your ability to see yourself in perspective. If you think that nobody cares about your looks as you get older, just wait until you get older and you will be singing a different tune. Of course, you can always let yourself go like so many of your fellow Americans, but you could have done that as a teen too. Good luck and enjoy your teens...they can be some great years!

      March 5, 2012 at 10:04 am | Report abuse |
  34. Jimmer

    I have to say that I'm pretty ugly myself :( I resemble a disfigured monkey clown is what I'm told, and I have to agree!

    March 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      I resemble Scott Biao with busted up nose. But, my significant other loves me. Now, if I could only get her to stop putting a Bobcat Goldthwaite mask on me when we are getting jiggy

      March 5, 2012 at 3:45 pm | Report abuse |
  35. Jeff

    In an age where we teens and adults, but especially teens are addicted to their cell phones/texting, it's no surprise. Get rid of the narcisstic electronic devices and teens would have far less of a problem. Esteem is tied into the cell phone. Very sad country.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:38 pm | Report abuse |
    • JFritz

      Let's not forget Facebook, the ultimate narcissistic product

      March 4, 2012 at 7:44 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ms.Fairfax

      I don't see how self-esteem is tied to a cell phone. Besides, teens had low self-esteem before cell phones were invented. People have always had issues with the way they look.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:44 pm | Report abuse |
    • Patrick

      @Ms.Fairfax
      100% correct.
      This is just a person who wants to grip about cell phones.

      March 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm | Report abuse |
  36. allah

    give me a break
    low self esteem is ur own problem
    dont pawn off to others what is ur own problem

    March 4, 2012 at 7:29 pm | Report abuse |
    • Truth

      You sound like a class act.....I'd bet you're probably an atheist also

      March 4, 2012 at 7:37 pm | Report abuse |
      • Clearlake

        His/her name is "allah" and you think he/she is an atheist? Brilliant. I am an atheist and i know self-esteem has to do with genes and the environment you grow up in and it's not anyone's fault if they have low self-esteem. It's up to parents to recognize the signs of low-self esteem in their children and help them or seek help for them. And if the parents are causing the low self-esteem, teachers and peers should be taught to recognize the signs and ask the kid about it. We have this one life to share, help, and appreciate each other and if we see someone struggling we shouldn't just let them suffer.

        March 4, 2012 at 7:47 pm | Report abuse |
      • Rick

        Gee, Truth (?), what has atheism got to do with this? Or, do you think it makes you appear edgy?

        March 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm | Report abuse |
    • Puckles

      I know! Blame the parents. This girl has serious social issues.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:39 pm | Report abuse |
  37. Whatever

    Teddi, you're beautiful. =)

    March 4, 2012 at 7:23 pm | Report abuse |
  38. Rob

    Me, Me, Me. That's all anyone cares about nowadays...

    March 4, 2012 at 7:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ms.Fairfax

      That isn't true. People care about other things. Just because people are looking for approval doesn't mean that they only care about themselves. Everyone wants to be complimented, and that doesn't make them self centered. It is completely possible to be extremely unselfish and worldly and still want the approval of others.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:31 pm | Report abuse |
      • Thomas

        To want approval is normal. To be dependent on approval is what is troubling.

        March 5, 2012 at 12:19 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      How is this different than in past years, Rob?

      March 5, 2012 at 3:50 pm | Report abuse |
  39. rawr

    Everyone is beautiful – its just an opinion who decides who's ugly and who's not. I look at people and distinguish how ugly he/she is and how this other guy/girl is beautiful and that's my opinion.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:18 pm | Report abuse |
    • victor

      Actually that's not true. It is well proven scientifically that certain traits are attractive to all people across all cutlures. The probable reason for this is purely based upon our biological need to reproduce and find the most worthy mate to do that with. In particular, if you look at certain ratios of waist to hips, etc., facial proportions, etc, you will find that there is something called universal beauty.. People can cry about it all they want and say "everybody is beautifu", however, if we are speaking purely of outward physical beauty, that simply is not the case. Science is a you know what.

      March 5, 2012 at 10:13 am | Report abuse |
      • NC

        Right on victor.

        March 5, 2012 at 1:03 pm | Report abuse |
  40. Pete

    Most of these girls will eventually figure out that IRL guys are particularly picky. Any young women who takes reasonable care of themselves and is not old or grossly overweight is going to find themselves chased after a ton of guys. These girls either haven't figured that out yet or are doing this for an ego boost.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:17 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      Ironic that you should mention women not being grossly overweight being chased by "a ton of guys"....what is that, like 6 guys?

      March 5, 2012 at 4:02 pm | Report abuse |
  41. Carol

    Sounds like too much time on the net to me. Before the net teen girls learned poise and self-esteem by following their talents, and developing their personalities. Yes they spent too much time according to adults on their make-up and their clothes, etc. but they were much more in touch with what was important, it sounds to me. No body ever spoke of being famous unless they knew what they wanted to do to make them famous. Egos weren't so big in the past.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:11 pm | Report abuse |
    • Rick

      Egos weren't so big in the past? Wow, what school did YOU go to? And in which decade?

      March 5, 2012 at 4:04 pm | Report abuse |
  42. Conrad

    Oh the angst! The drama! How did previous generations ever survive long enough to procreate and spawn such a self-centered "poor me" crop of whiners. Teens who put themselves out there for public viewing should know by now–being, of course, the supposedly tech savvy generation they are–that some idiot is going to write something dumb or mean just because they can. I suspect many post photos just for the drama. You play, you pay. If you don't like it, well, duh, don't post.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:09 pm | Report abuse |
  43. Spencer

    I've never understood why people troll on message boards. Tearing down a person in real life or anonymously has never made me feel better about myself. Maybe I don't have the "bully gene" some people have.

    March 4, 2012 at 7:05 pm | Report abuse |
  44. JimL

    Well said, Teddi.

    March 4, 2012 at 6:43 pm | Report abuse |
  45. KateB

    I once heard a saying I've taken as an absolute truth in life. I heard it in my 30s and wish I'd heard it so much sooner. It was from my parish minister in a sermon and what he said was that when a person shares an opinion about someone or something, it actually says more about the person giving the opinion than it does about the subject. Put that w/the Dr. Philism that people only have as much power over you as you give them and you soon realize that your day goes much better when you keep positive people around you and jettison the rest.

    March 4, 2012 at 6:42 pm | Report abuse |
    • Spencer

      Very true.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:06 pm | Report abuse |
  46. BSR

    If girls put themselves out there to be judged, they shouldn't cry when people do. The world isn't a nice or fair place. Get over it & learn to deal with reality. What a bunch of losers

    March 4, 2012 at 6:41 pm | Report abuse |
    • Ms.Fairfax

      Or people could learn to be kind and not tear people down. Frankly, you seem like the kind of person who believes their "solution" is the only and best way to do things, and it isn't. People can live in the real world and still expect compassion from others.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:12 pm | Report abuse |
      • JusDav

        "People can live in the real world and still expect compassion from others."
        Umm, no, you cant. It is the real world, people are so stressed out, held back, overwhelmed with problems that they strick out in anger, frustration. So... if you put yourself out there and someone tears you down. get over it. move on.
        life is full of issues, some good, lots bad. Deal with it. In the real world, problems are rampant.
        If you are concerned with what other people think about you... you are in for a real tough life.

        cheers
        JusDav

        March 13, 2012 at 9:16 am | Report abuse |
  47. BD70

    Beauty is only skin deep. Who you are on the inside is what counts. Take if from person who is not physically perfect and lived through it. Sad that our society is so into the physical.

    March 4, 2012 at 6:39 pm | Report abuse |
    • B

      Much about whether one is beautiful or not has to do with symmetry and it's actually quite scientific, which has nothing to do with the depth of one's skin. Doctors can do a series of measurements and come up with a "beauty" score that you'd find is surprisingly accurate. The statement: "Beauty is only skin deep" is a farce. True, what is under the skin is what counts.

      March 4, 2012 at 7:13 pm | Report abuse |
  48. Mit

    "The whole premise of this is to post a video of yourself and ask viewers if they find you attractive"

    I don't want to live on this Earth anymore

    March 4, 2012 at 6:28 pm | Report abuse |
    • asda

      Kill yourself then and do us a favor

      March 4, 2012 at 7:24 pm | Report abuse |
      • Ms.Fairfax

        That's rather rude.

        March 4, 2012 at 7:33 pm | Report abuse |
      • boit

        bitter troll detected

        March 4, 2012 at 7:45 pm | Report abuse |
  49. PhilG

    Tell your daughter when someone makes a negative comment about the away they look to say,"Kiss this where the sun don't shine."

    March 4, 2012 at 6:24 pm | Report abuse |
    • JFritz

      Real classy thing to teach a young girl, isn't it?

      March 4, 2012 at 7:49 pm | Report abuse |
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