Editor's note: Teddi Noel Mattox is a 15-year-old freshman at Montclair High School in New Jersey. She's a writer, singer/songwriter, rower on the crew team and Nutella addict. She hopes to travel the world and help those in need.
By Teddi Noel Mattox, Special to CNN
(CNN) - Growing up in this generation, I’ve seen more than my fair share of trends, some stupid, some dangerous, and a lot just plain weird.
In a world where teens like me hear many messages encouraging us to be ourselves, it always confuses me when the same people spreading those messages turn around and ask us to do “what’s in” or “what’s hot” at the moment.
Unfortunately, what's "in” at the moment is something a lot of girls my age are doing, posting “Hot or not?” videos on YouTube. The whole premise of this is to post a video of yourself and ask viewers if they find you attractive.
Even though some comments are really encouraging and sweet, quite a few are not. As a teen, I know full well this may not even have much to do with how a teen looks. Some people post offensive comments on YouTube because they can. This is just one of the many disturbing problems with this trend.
As the “Hot or not?” videos get really popular and the answers get more diverse, it’s easy to get distracted and let the negativity get to you. Especially with girls, we can look at 100 good comments and if there is one particularly nasty one, that’s the only one that stays in our heads. We hear so much from adults about how fragile our self-esteem is - and sometimes we hear it so much it can get annoying - but in reality, it’s very true.
I have never posted a video asking people if I was attractive because I know that one negative comment has the chance of ruining a very good day. Teenage girls are just at a really confusing and awkward part of our lives where we are trying to figure out what we want to do, who we are and where we can fit in. To hear people online calling you “ugly” or “fat,” anything that could make us feel worse about ourselves really damages us.
When I was in eighth grade, a lot of my friends were getting Formspring accounts. Formspring is another form of social media in which people can anonymously write what they really think about each other. Some of my friends got wrapped up in this and many mean things were said, which led to a lot of drama. I wanted a Formspring account too, mainly because my friends were all getting them, but also because I wanted to know what people really thought of me.
My mother researched it and told me that I would not be getting an account anytime in the near future. I eventually let it go, and while some of my friends still have their accounts, I really do think it was a passing trend. That doesn’t erase the damage that was done by the hurtful comments a person could’ve posted. We may not even realize how much it can damage us until one day we try to be confident and the mental image of one of those comments pops into our minds.
I can actually remember every offensive thing a person has said to me throughout the course of my life. I try not to hold a grudge, but when someone you care about, or even someone you don't know, says something that hurts your feelings, it takes most people a lot more than a few days or even months to get over those comments.
It’s been my New Year's resolution to be a bit more positive this year, so I’m going to go out on a limb here and try to find some good in this trend. When people are faced with challenges, they have two choices. They can either let it define them or overcome those challenges and become stronger. If a person is going through a difficult time because of negative comments, it’s often in those times that people find out who their true friends are.
What these girls posting videos on YouTube need to know is that the people posting comments have never met them, and therefore haven’t even gotten a chance to know how beautiful they really are. So, they shouldn't let these people get into their heads.
But before completely shunning this new trend, it is important to understand why it is important to many girls my age to seek out compliments and approval. We really do need more positive messages.
If everyone felt beautiful from the inside out, this trend wouldn’t even be happening. So to girls everywhere reading this, take it from someone who had to go through a lot emotionally: You are beautiful, no matter what size, shape, or color you are. Love yourself for you, embrace your individuality and own it.
The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Teddi Noel Mattox.
What defines you? Maybe it’s the shade of your skin, the place you grew up, the accent in your words, the make up of your family, the gender you were born with, the intimate relationships you chose to have or your generation? As the American identity changes we will be there to report it. In America is a venue for creative and timely sharing of news that explores who we are. Reach us at inamerica@cnn.com.
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Well said, Ms Mattox.
When I was about 20 I once worked with a guy who had a huge strawberry-colored birthmark over half his face. It was so distracting at first, but he was a great guy and after a short while I stopped noticing it. Finally after a few month his wife came to visit the office, and she was model-gorgeous, just perfect. She could have had any guy she wanted, I'm sure, but she married him. It made me very happy.
There was probably money.
Hey sister you did the right thing and told the truth about what a kids life is i Know im a 14 year old brother and good luck in life
Great perspective and thoughtfulness Ms. Mattox! I haven't read any of the other comments, but I'm sure that if it's a CNN article, and there are over 200, that some of it is negative. So I almost hope you don't read them. But if you do, I want you to know that your self- awareness and willingness to look at things from all angles will help you go far in life. Good for you!
It takes courage to stand up against a tide thats can send our youth on a downward spiral. Stopping this is exactly with this young lady is doing. I commend here efforts. Sure there tons of ways our children can get swept into insecurity or escapism especially in their teen years. Having the courage to stand for inner strength and acceptance of self is all Teddi is asking us to do for each other. We need encourage this type of self preservation and sharing from our young people. This is not fluff, or a slow news day story. This article speaks to the core of human character and human decency!
Thanks for sharing it!
Teddi, if you are reading this, you are super-bright and wise, especially for a 15 year old.
Even before Photoshop and airbrushing, actresses and models had to stay in the makeup chair for three to five hours and then get retouched every 15 minutes. It's also not about looks. Charisma plays a big part in how somebody looks. Pessimism makes anybody look bad.
We need to give these kids some slack, and some moderating guidance. That girls and guys are wondering whether they're hot or not is not new. Remember, the human species starts its mating rituals in the teenage years, so nature forces this important obsession on these kids. As a rule of thumb, a new generation begins about 20 years after the last generation began so this makes sense. We often simply write off these issues as "just hormones", but there is nothing "just" about it.
It's not that I have any idea how to guide these teens. My experience is that my kids had no interest in my opinion so I was the last to know. In their world, peers are all important and we shouldn't expect it to be otherwise. Do other cultures better support their children's increasing "maturity"?
However, I do think that the permanence of the written word, especially negative comments, is a big problem. FB, emails, etc, for both kids and adults, can cause special problems, not that the spoken word is without harm. Things written have their own life, and the hurtful statements written down will linger instead of pass from memory of all involved. Learning to forget is important.
Blame a lot of this on the Generation Y and Millenial female celebrities who are often as not seen in a state of half - or less - undress.
Showing as much of you can of the 3 Bs (boobs, butt and belly) does NOT equate "hotness" to me. 99% of them needed to be told GO HOME AND GET DRESSED a long time ago.
Who needs Youtube? Society does a pretty good job of telling us who is desirable, a few, and who is not, many.
Young women who do not measure up to media controlled stereotypes of beauty, such as a long waist, slim legs and ankles, sculptured cheekbones, and puffy lips need to remember that their individual physical attributes may add up to something very attractive, it doesn't fit the stereotype everyone is used to viewing on video.. So you will get nitpicky comments. Your beauty, however, comes from inside. Confidence, control of yourself (poise) and most of all, your interactions with those around you, determine your beauty and value. Sparkle doesn't hurt, but not everyone is capable of being sparkly. Maybe reliability, determination, or capability come more naturally to you. Those do not show up on a YouTube video.
Years ago, my mother was picked on and made fun of for lips that were very full and pouty.
The same lips that these dumb dingbats go and get collagen injections for.
Don't ask what kind of names she was called.
How funny - now everybody wants big full lips.
Forget injections. If you haven't got 'em, you haven't got 'em.
Why the heck does it come down to being "hot"???
There are many classic beauties that I woldn't classify as "hot": Liz Taylor, Kim Novak, Natalie Wood, Suzy Parker (famous model - you youg heads can go google...and drool), Jeannie Shrimpton (the same; a model from the old school days), Bette Davis, Marilyn Monroe - the list goes on for many more.
Natalie Wood had - and still has - the best body in all of Hollywood - but somehow I would not classify her as "hot."
And remember:
Beauty - or handsomeness - is in the eye of the beholder. What you think is handsome or gorgeous or "hot" may not be to somebody else.:)
to be completely honest I think young people really need to toughen up. Looks are over rated. the only reason anyone cares these days is because the media and entertainment industry makes a big deal of looks.
I think you could have a face that looks like a baboon's ass and lead a very successful life. I"ve known plenty of people with faces and bodies only a mother could love and they are very successful, married and much loved by all who know them. be somebody, have substance of character and forget about the rest of it....really
Much easier for a man.
I don't believe most of the people posting these Hot or Not video are really girls who feel insecure about themselves and are expecting serious answers. The vast majority are probably girls who think they are attractive just showing off. And just think, ANYBODY can watch these videos on YT, so it's not just your peers but any pedo or dirty old man who could be ogling at you too. Just good clean fun, right?
I think that it's actually really cool how you shared that!!! Thank-you. I really hope people learn something from you.
KEEP IT UP!!!
Btw, you did a great job writing
To all of you who posted those nasty rude comments:
Maybe you should keep those mean comments inside of your head. Because E.V.E.R.Y. time you say something rude to someone (NO MATTER IF YOU THINK THEY ARE GORGEOUS OR UGLY!!!) you are tearing them down... AND NOT BUILDING THEM UP!!! I don't understand why you fools sit around and criticise every detail about someone you dont even know! LIKE WHATS THE POINT? you dont know his or hers situation and you dont know how badly that one rude comment could effect them!!!! She said in the article that everyone has something beautiful about them & and i would have to disagree on that one... BECAUSE you selfish ignorant prideful people who talk crap about someone innocent girl, You just think youre are better then everyone else AND that is SO Not true. There is nothing beautiful about a ignorant and lying person. People who learn how to control their tongue and obey God's law will get themselves way futher in life than a stupid hurtful discussion on CNN. Thanks!
She wrote a better article than most of you could!
And for the people who whine about this not being "real news"– why did you read it??? Because it grabbed your attention and was compelling enough to hold it. Great job, Ms. Mattox!
I just liked the picture.
This is really sad. It's what kind of person you are that matters. Physical appearance is something totally superficial. We as a society need to re-evaluate what type of qualities we place importance on. In college, I saw a number of girls who claimed they hated other girls because the other girls were pretty. I'm sorry, but that's not a reason to hate someone. What a superficial society we live in!!!
3/4 of what we perceive as beauty is poise and confidence. If you are so uncomfortable in your own skin that you need validation from total strangers, the answer is no.
please am i hot or not; they will be needing therepy and some oxycondin ; or will this be filed under bulling lol; especially if the posters are anything like other postings; what a joke these girls are going be so messed up and when they start looking like their mothers that didnt take care of themselves well it could turn ugly ;
Psst....that's oxyCONtin and go back to pharmacology school: that's a narcotic, not an antidepressive.
You need to go back to SCHOOL, period: yikes to the entire context of your post.
"please am i hot or not; they will be needing therepy and some oxycondin ; or will this be filed under bulling lol; especially if the posters are anything like other postings; what a joke these girls are going be so messed up and when they start looking like their mothers that didnt take care of themselves well it could turn ugly ;"
I am always a little taken back when I see my teenage daughter's friende post multiple posed pictures of themselves on FB. Well meaning friends follow the post with surfacey, somewhat forced replies; "gorgeous, a real beauty, amazing face, stunning..." Young women (esp. in America) have struggled with doubts regarding physical beauty for a long time. It seems now that there are so many avenues to phish for compliments through media, the problem is a lot more pronounced than when I was 15. I had hoped this generation would be beyond that just a little bit by now.
I have a teenage son who hates that his friends ask themselves to be rated, he also thinks is a way of getting attention.
What about his girlfriends? Are they HOTT??
If you need to ask, you either are unattractive or insecure. In either case, not my type.
Adolescent = insecure, whether they admit it to themselves or not.
Kids have a tremendous and misplaced need to be accepted by their peer group. A supportive family and real friends are literally lifesavers for many, many teens.
YOU'RE ALL UGLY
What a well-written article by a young woman so mature for her age! Seems like she has a career in journalism ahead of her if she wants it. Good for her for not letting herself get mired down by the comments of others, and instead acknowledging and embracing her own good qualities. No, none of us are 'perfect', whatever that means - but praise to her for understanding at such a young age the importance of focusing on the positives, not dwelling on the negatives, and loving yourself for who you are. Many older than she would clearly benefit from such mature insights.
If you are going to do a "hot or not", a more healthy approach would be to view the negative comments as possible areas where you need improvement, rather than trying to get "compliments" or "approval." In other words, have self esteem *first*, then post the hot or not. Use the feedback to improve your image, if possible. For instance, if you get "fat" over and over and over again, you probably do need to lose a little weight. If you get "ugly", well, that's really not important and you skip by it. Some people online also say things just to hurt others because they think it's fun. Those should be easy to spot because you'll have a lot of similar comments, then one really mean one. The really mean one is just someone giving you a hard time.
Spoken like a true idiot.
Nothing worthwhile can come out of posting these videos, knucklehead.
Oh yeah. Your post (in reply to mine) was surely filled with eloquence, intelligence and guidance for readers. I'm sure everyone is happy they took the time to read it. lol
Oh, Johnny. You totally missed the point, silly idiot you.
Another shallow minority article whaaaaa
I think the real point is to not worry about the outside but work on the inside. A person who may not be very attractive at first glance can become very beautiful if they are kind and thoughtful and have a great personality. I've also known several attractive people who become very ugly when you get to know them.
Can't change how you feel, but you can control how you act on your feelings.
Learned a long time ago I was better off being my own biggest fan than living for the approval of others.
Now I pity people who build themselves up by putting other people down, I refuse to hate them. Hating them concedes too much power to them.
Well said!
I think you need to stop looking for validation of your worth from other people. It is what YOU think that is important. If you value yourself others will, if you don't, you will be used and abused
Frank, remember your words the next time you walk down a corridor or sidewalk and don't even make eye contact with a person just because you judged in 0.75 second's glance that you found them unattractive. Give people the dignity of eye contact and acknowledgement no matter what they look like. It will make each of us a better person.
The problem is not just with teens today, even those of us in our 50's suffer from the "I dont think im pretty" ....The problem is with the media and society, always showing paper thin girls and women as examples is wrong. women with curves are beautiful also! it is the beauty inside of a person that shines through no matter what shape they are on the outside,
Spoken like a true fat chick!
HEY CNN, WHY WOULD YOU PICK AN UGLY MONKEY LOOKING FREAK TO WRITE THIS ARTICLE LOL
Spoken like a true idiot.
What a total nincompoop you are Ashloo. Visually impaired too.
I agree. People like you are the root of today's problems
That's rude... people like you make the world bad. Are you insecure or something? Because that's mean. I can't believe that someone could stoop that low. Did that make you feel good to say that? Are you now cooler cuz you said that? I dont think so. Do you feel good about yourself cuz you brought someone else down? smh... people out there are ridiculous and mean spirited, and it's not a laughing matter, hope next time you look in the mirror, you feel like a total bully and idoit for saying that..... THIS ARTICAL SHOWS THE TRUTH! it's written well, and very nice. Let's see you do anybetter
This one is a jealousy-driven reply.
(Making like a cop on the beat) Move on folks....nothing to see here...move on...nothing to see...get going...everybody move on...move along now...
The point that this insightful young lady was trying to make? Congratulations! You just proved it.
You're right. Beauty comes from within, then it shines through no matter what. That beauty is goodness.
The medium might be more high tech but the difficulties are long standing.Think back to Janis Ian, At Seventeen.
yummy...
People are jagoffs. That's just how society works. You can't let others opinions get you down. Seriously, are you ever going to see the rude people you went to high school ever again? Very unlikely. You really just have to be yourself and if people don't like it, too damn bad. Find people who appreciate you. They are out there.
Just another "everyone is a winner" piece of crap article.
lol the girls 15.
Doesn't mean it's not a piece of crap.
She's 15 man... why don't you go read your Ayn Rand novel and let some kids feel good about themselves?
Well, not everyone is a winner, demonstrated by your own post. Loser.
Wow, Jim and Jeff are prime examples of the downers who contribute negatively to society. I think the point is not to judge people entirely by how they look. This is a very old idea that many men and women still haven't grasped, Jim and Jeff among them. Can we judge people by what they post? Yeah, to a degree. We have complete control over what we post.
Wrong! The young lady that wrote this article has a good head on her shoulders. It's the people who post very hurtful things just to hurtful that have a problem.
Way better than jim's shallow, cowardly, narcissistic piece-of-crap post.
this is such a joke. you want to know what,s wrong with these kids, YOU the parents along with media anc government. maybe if you taught your kids a little something at home and instilled some backbone in them they wouldnt be such You know what's.
The get their values from TV and internet rather from their parents. their babied every second of the way, told how special and fantastic they are. when the real world hits they are stunned and have shirk all personal responsibility and acoountability onto the governnt to provide for them just like their parents.
i'm 26 years old, still have siblings aged 11 and 12 and parents in their 40s. so i am young enough to say in high school 2001-2004 there were sites HOTORNOT.COM AND AMIHOT.COM. But now the media is making a big fuss over this because some program director decided it was news.
you are assuming that parents even have the capacity to 'instill a backbone' in their kids. Alot of kids won't listen to their parents, they want to go out and learn things for themselves. There is a wide range of possibilities when it comes to this. On one end you have kids who genuinely respect their parents opinions, other end you have kids who will do the opposite just because. You talk as if 100% of that is nurture, sorry but it's a mix of nature and nurture. This isn't black and white, no matter how much you want it to be. You also talk as if it is easy to know how to instill that backbone. The methods to do this are going to be different depending on the individual, it's a very intuitive process. Intuitive processes are often left up to trial and error, or someone who just tries to apply a rigid system to the problem. You get too rigid with a teenager and they often rebel.
On top of that alot of parents have to work way too much. If both parents are working 50+ hours a week how can you expect them to really have control of their kids. Many would say something like 'maybe they should get better jobs' 'maybe they should have a cheaper place to live'. These statements are true to an extent, but the real issue here isnt 100% ppl living outside their means. It is also that the ratio between cost of living and the lower wages is out of wack. Not everyone can have a great job, if everyone were rich, wed all be poor. Again it is a mixture of problems and issues, no one thing will solve all of these problems.
The other side of this is just america itself. Many girls grow up thinking that their value is directly tied to how hot they are. Even if the parents won't let their 13 year old wear a six inch skirt, if that 13 year old still wants to wear it, there is still a problem in that she thinks she needs to. Girls who grow up being treated a certain way because of how they look. How often have you met that 'hot girl' who treats people like dirt because she has always gotten the attention, always had people do things for her. How often have you met those people later in life and they are bitter and angry and do everything they can to get attention and control others, because as they grew up they got people to do things for them and got attention based on their looks. Once they get older that power fades and they are left with a void that they try to fill any way they can. This is due to how women are valued in this country. The fat thing is a very good indicator. Men get this idea in their head of what is attractive, its pretty common on the internet especially, if they dont see ribs they call fat. It's complete nonsense.
Lastly you act like these things arent worth our time to think about, as if this isnt a 'real' problem. We don't live in a world of completely stratified issues, with each problem being isolate. This issue bleeds into so many other issues with american culture its not even funny. If all you do is look at this by itself, yea i can see why you would think its not worth our time. But you have to look past the initial problem and find how it connects to other problems. And it connects to ALOT of other problems.
This is really nothing new, however. I remember the website hotornot being very popular well over ten years ago. Users would just submit photos and then they could go through random pictures of strangers and rate them all 1-10. It was much better for everyone's self-esteem, too, because one person giving you a 1 is a lot easier to shrug off than someone leaving a comment about your nose being crooked.
Society blows. Society tells you what to think, how to act, and how to live–right down to what kind of underwear you should wear. Yet if you ever find yourself in lying in a gutter in need of some help, society will simply kick you in the face with a steel toe boot. Don't be a mindless sheep; live your own life based on what's best for YOU.
She's just mad cause she's not HOT!!!
you sir, are a troll. get over yourself, jag.
She did not ask for her photo to be rated and your comment is uncalled for. She is a beautiful girl and when a few years pass, you will see that you would be lucky to go out with any girl at all let alone one this beautiful....inside and out.
Hahahahahahaha!!! I love how you claim that "beauty" does not matter and that people's opinions do not matter, yet you go on and on about how "beautiful" this girl is. You have done the EXACT SAME thing as me, given an opinion on this girl's physical appearance. If it is unimportant then why do you have the need to comment on the physical? You are JUST LIKE everyone else – a sheep.
Flamingo Baby, beauty can be both internal and external. Internal beauty tends to be very durable while external beauty fades with time. Internal beauty is reflected in good deeds while external beauty is frequently associated with poor behavior as people gifted with a lot of external beauty learn to use and manipulate people or take attention for granted. You are too young to understand this. Go back to your briny pool and sift for brine shrimp.
Teddi.....your mother did a wonderful job of raising you. Too many parents today allow the Internet and all the bad that goes along with it to "babysit" their children. You are a very intelligent girl who will do wonderful things in this life, and good parenting is usually the starting point. You'd make a good role model for young teenagers.....and many adults I can think of as well.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
hate it so annoying
is*
This story is so inspiring and i think every body should listen
The author is more intelligent, wiser, and a much better writer than most adults.
The world doesn't care if you're pretty or not. Stupid sheep of a people might care... but in the end, looking beautiful won't necessarily help you find a career unless you luck out with some modeling job... but that's a cruel, superficial, and extremely tough industry to thrive in, and you're fired once you get some serious injury.
In the end, the only thing that really is valuable about YOU as a person is your mind. Beauty and hotness is not going to save the world. Being beautiful won't stop an invading force from occupying our country. Beauty doesn't put food on the table. Hard work does, and sometimes hard work isn't even enough to get what you need. So stop getting so self-absorbed in your little world high schoolers. I graduated from high school not too long ago and I can tell you I was under the exact same "trap" of being so superficial. Don't let it take you over.
You have NO CLUE what you are talking about. Studies have shown that more attractive people ALWAYS get jobs when they are up against an unattractive person, even if they have no where near the qualifications of the less attractive person.
Assuming you are correct, getting a job is only step one. Being good at a job is what matters. Being hot may help one get and even keep a job, but it does not bring a promotion. After all, the boss can have the office trophy in a low level, low paying job, and promote someone who is talented to the better, higher paying position.
Can I get a big "AMEN" to that?
"The world doesn't care if you're beautiful?" That's a lovely sentiment, but you're ignoring the fact that girls and young women are bombarded every second of their waking lives by media telling them the opposite. Walk past the magazine display in your supermarket and look at the the ones aimed at girls and women. Look at the covers of the tabloids in the check-out lane. Look how saturated TV is with mindless adulation of superficial good looks. Look at nobodies like the Kardashian brood, who have become overpaid celebrities on the basis of nothing but their looks.
The very existence of the "Hot or Not?" websites Ms Mattox is militating against is proof of how ingrained this trend has become in our society. Ironically, during the same time women have made astounding strides in medicine, business, science and other areas, but these women are largely ignored, while attention is focused on the beauty of the week. There are more women college graduates than men. Ditto medical school. In an era when women are finally coming into their own, the distraction of physical appearance is a serious impediment to their progress, every bit as handicapping as the social mores that held women back in the 1950s.
When I was an awkward 15 year old boy, I would have been happy to have any girl talk to me.
Well written article!
i don't know, I've always hated fat ugly people
I always taught my kids that "ugly is on the inside".
you're wrong
It is sad that some teenage girls have so much trouble with their self esteem, but I think it is in some sense normal for teenagers to seek approval - the Internet is just a new way to do it. Girls just want to know they're beautiful and boys want to know they're strong; everyone wants to know that someone will love them.
It really is more about behavior than inborn looks though. Just put some effort into taking care of yourself, stay at a healthy weight, be yourself (don't be fake), be considerate of others (don't act like a sociopath), and someone WILL love you.
I'm about this girl's age (I'm 17...), and I kind of agree, but I'm getting tired of hearing that "Everyone's Beautiful" or "Everyone's Perfect" crap. We're not. Okay? Just accept that you have flaws, get over it, and look at the good, not the bad. Don't hate on people who's flaws are extremely visible; treat them with kindness, as they too are a person with feelings, after all! However, I think it's a borderline dangerous idea to think that everyone's perfect or beautiful like Katy Perry says in that song "Firework" (Or whatever it's called. I listen to Kate Bush, the Beatles, and the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band. Not that modern crap, y'know.), because, you could overlook serious flaws like weight (Which could cause you diabetes or a heart attack) or personality (Which could cause you a lot of social pain).
It doesn't matter what anyone thinks about me accept my significant other, and God, anyways...
Oh crap. Spelling error.
Accept = except.
My bad.
Just do your best and someone will love you for who you are. Looks fade, but a good heart does not.
When people say everyone is perfect, it is a rhetorical statement. You are supposed to look beyond the words into the meaning, which is self-empowerment. Music does not define your status in society. Seems to me like you have self-esteem issues as well. God who???
aww come on Pat, while I agree, lets cut her some slack. Your personality was probably contrived then too.
You're right ! It was just so hypocritical and annoying I couldn't help myself.
When I was her age I joined the Navy at 17 to be in a world of grown-ups where all of this nonsense didn't exist.
What a new and interesting way to get preyed on.
A very thoughtful and wise article – I had no idea young women were subjecting themselves to the judgement and abuse of the internet trolls in this way. We need a cultural shift in which we value women for their brains and not their bodies. To the author of this piece – excellently done – and ignore the trolls!
So I could only stomach watching a couple of the videos... the issue is most of these girls are fairly cute, so this is really a way of getting attention.
Not everyone possess physical beauty, and you know that's okay. I certainly don't think we need to tell everyone that they are beautiful. I think physical beauty can be admired, but it's hardly the most important trait to foster in a young woman.
Instead of telling everyone they are beautiful, maybe choose to focus on their unique and positive traits. Trust me on this, regardless of what you look like there will be plenty of guys interested in you. In fact I'd rarely say it's a woman's physical beauty that holds her back.
You're completely incorrect. Beauty is subjective. That means that different people find different things 'beautiful'. Saying that some people possesses no physical beauty at all is an extremely narrow minded statement. Just because YOU don't find someone attractive, it doesn't mean that they aren't. Technically, everyone is beautiful because there's always SOMEONE who will find something attractive.
*possess
Exactly. Everyone ends up in long-term relationships and there are many people attracted to many different characteristics. Young girls just don't know that yet. I remember the feeling of panic thinking nobody would want me when I was around 17 because I did not have a boyfriend.
I think my point was it's okay for someone not to be physically beautiful. Stop preaching such a superficial way of judging people.
It's good to know that CNN knows how to prioritize its news coverage. When they're not war propagandizing, they're feeding us pablum. Lovely. This young lady is a fine budding writer, but if all she has to look forward to, as a journalist, is Jeanne Moos level social salience, or greasing the war machine, she might want to consider medicine as a career instead. As for the young girls seeking affirmation of their physical beauty on YouTube, this is nothing new. Only the social media has changed. The shocking news for them is that their beauty is, despite their beliefs to the contrary, as transitory as the scattering clouds. They will never look more aesthetically beautiful than they do now. So they should stop obsessing over something, that whether optimal or not, is peaking now... enjoy it while it lasts, and find something meaningful to do with their lives.
She's writing about what she knows, very intelligently. CNN gave her a platform to share her thoughts and she ran with it. Was she supposed to write about genocide in the 3rd world? Keep on thinking you're someone above this type of story Mike. The fact is you arent. You read it, commented on it and even watched the videos she was referencing. As she concludes, own it. You simply love articles on the vulnerabilities of teenage girls.
As a 45-year-old woman, I can relate to what she's saying because I've been there. It doesn't matter what year it is; adolescence is a confusing time. My brother's a doctor; believe me it's a stressful gig. He looks old, smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish. I believe this girl has a lot more in store for her than a life-time of writing articles like this. She can be whatever she wants. This is important to her generation; so let the young voice be heard.
blog /blɔg, blɒg/
noun
1. a Web site containing the writer's or group of writers' own experiences, observations, opinions, etc., and often having images and links to other Web sites.
A blog is not journalism or "news." It is personal opinion.
Mike Rotchitches = reading comprehension fail
The rise in websites that offer "picture ratings" has gone beyond anyone's predictions. Teens will post their pictures and ask people to rate them.
Only problem is...if they get too many ugly ratings....they do drastic changes to themselves.
These websites need to stop offering "picture ratings".
Everyone is a master piece so be proud of yourself. Being attractive or not being attractive is only an era in ones life like any other episode. Then why worry.
Hmmm. Not everyone is a master piece. I'd suggest that everyone is a work in progress and through hard work and dedication you can be become something.
If everyone is a master piece, then I think I have a very different picture of what 'mastery of a given area' entails. Leave a little room to highlight people who actually work hard to accomplish things.
Her statement "everyone is a masterpiece" is rhetorical like many statements promoting self-empowerment. She didn't ACTUALLY mean everyone is a masterpiece.
I probably would have taken this article more seriously without the artfully posed b and w photo. How about just a snapshot outside your school? Apparently image still is everything.
This is journalism not a high school newspaper so I'm pretty sure the image is meant to be artistic in nature.
Gay is ugly. Real ugly.
Perhaps, but not nearly as ugly as stupid. Real stupid....
WHERE ARE THE PARENTS??????? I have three daughters in high school and while it is not a joyful barefoot romp through the park, it is not impossible to know what your kids are doing at all times, even online. In fact, my girls do not have iphones. They do not have their own personal computers. They have prepaid phones where they can home or to 9.1.1. That is it. They do not need anything more! I sure did not need all these technologies to learn the basics of civil conduct. Folks, its time to time travel your family back to when we did not have access to everyone and everything anytime our kids want it.
Sounds like your kids are well prepared for a world becoming ever more dependent on technology
I sincerely hope you're a troll. If not...
Your children sound miserable. I'm a recent graduate and my parents didn't try to track my every movement, never invaded my privacy, and I somehow made it through high school unscathed, child-free, STD-free, and with an SAT score in the 98th percentile nationwide. Your children are either literally unintelligent or you are. You have to be fooling yourself if you believe they're both intelligent and so completely under your thumb.
You're the type of parent that causes teen pregnancy, runaways, and drug addiction. I'm sober, have a job, and graduated early without getting pregnant or addicted to drugs. My parents let me roam free. I got my first car at sixteen, have a curfew of 1 am now that I've graduated (11 pm prior to that, 1 am if I worked til 11) and don't have to check in or ask for permission to do anything.
Ease up on your kids. They might be bringing home straight A's, but all the kids I know with parents like you cheat on every exam, copy every assignment, and score below the 50th percentile on the big exams for tests. They're the most ignorant ones in schools today because their parents don't know how to raise kids.
You're supposed to love, nurture, and take care of them, not prune them. Show them culture. Introduce them to new ways of thinking. Explain that grades don't measure intelligence, they measure motivation. Take them to an art museum and let them have boyfriends. They'll be happier in the long run, I promise.
THIS! I'm with Courtney.
wait, you graduated and you still live at home? Lot of good that degree did you.
I had a 98% too, but I don't throw it out there like it means anything.
Courtney, how did you get into the 98th percentile without any reading comprehension skills? There were no remarks made regarding the children's grades or happiness status, or whether they are 'cultured' correctly, only that this parent chooses not to cater to the every whim of her children. It's possible you were raised "privileged" and regardless of what your parents did or didn't do, you would have turned out a judgmental know-it-all who actually knows nothing, but golly, you have a diploma and a loud mouth.
Setting limits for your kids is a good thing and just fyi, your job as a parent is to prune your kids. That way they don't grow up with hidden thorns - like you.
All that because her kids don't have iPhones?????????
This is just silly. Technology is there to be helpful, not to be abused. If you don't trust your daughters to use technology wisely, that says something about their upbringing.
No no no no. Let us not go back. Let us continue in forward motion. Let us evolve into the technologically advanced society we are becoming. If you want to go back in time, do it yourself. Don't take your children with you. They belong in THIS society.
Come on mom, you're forgetting to lock them in the basement after school to make sure they don't sneak out. And don't forget to check their hymnns every night to make sure they aren't screwing around.
YOURE A FREAK LADY LOL
You've written a very thoughtful article – well done! The key is to learn how to love yourself, and identify and live out your passions and dreams. One of the biggest challenges (among many) is that school is not geared towards helping you identify and nuture what these are. Rather, it's about achieving goals and jumping thru hoops and standards set up by folks who don't have a clue who you are and what makes you tick. Einstein said that education begins when school ends. Best of luck!
This is a valuable message from a very insightful and well-spoken young lady. I hope many young people and their parents pay attention.
Oh, and make a note of this gal's name...she's going places.
You've conflated Einstein's two most popular quotes on education:
"The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
and,
"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
I couldn't agree more.
Therein lies the evil of social media. Self comparison and self validation on an inhuman scale. Slowly but surely we loose grip with reality (and grammar) via social media and it's collision with reality tv cultre. We learn how to interact less and less in meaningful ways, but more and more in aggressive ways that do not require responsibility. We abbreviate our intelligence in tweets and make instant judgments online without having all the facts. We no longer need facts, we just need our own choir to preach to ; it's a reality we chose to create and it is a false one. People wonder why there is a break down in all forms of discourse, be it with youngsters or politicians, yet they keep on tweeting, facebooking, youtubing with not a thought in the world in how they are dummifying themselves into robots with the over-use of these media formats (key word here is "over-use", not ' use itself). This youtube trend is just one more example of technology destroying our humanity, but how can we teach kids to under use social media when their parents over-use it themselves?
There's a Greek word that sums up the state you're referring to: Anoesis– mere reception of impressions without understanding or intellectual effort. I had a Facebook account for less than a week. The superficiality of the comments and the lack of any intellectual depth scared the bejesus out of me. The fact that it has nearly a billion subscribes is even more terrifying.
Like any tool, Facebook can be used or misused. My friends, family and I use it to keep in touch, share pictures, send out get-together invitations, and so on. Of course there are Facebook addicts who post every little detail of their lives and spend hours online every day, but there are just as many of us that use it for friendship and entertainment. It was never meant to be scholarly or intellectual (although I've seen some pretty profound comments from some of my friends). Most social media are just that – social. Facebook is certainly better than Twitter and its endless inane "tweets" about every little thing a person is doing!
Thank you for your comment. Yes, "Most social media are just that – social." I am not a social person at all, although my wife would go into withdrawal without her Facebook account. I hardly ever use the telephone, either, and have no use for TV. Why we get along so well is beyond me.
I didn't mention Twitter because it's absolutely incomprehensible to me why anyone would want to use it.
Wow, a 15 year old wrote this? Pretty remarkable. Confidence and attractiveness are highly interrelated. If you are confident, people will think you are attractive. If you are attractive, you will likely be more confident. While one can only do so much about their looks, one can improve their confidence by being successful in other ways. Doing well in school and getting a good job are achievable ways of improving one's confidence and attractiveness. Also doing good deeds for others will do the same thing. Worrying about what others think of you will only make you less confident and less attractive. No matter what, you will grow up and soon not give a hoot about what other people think of you.
Very nicely written, Teddi. The skill you employed with the pen is already of a caliber that surpasses much of the adult world, and the clarity of your thoughts made your underlying message very persuasive. It's a welcome surprise to see a freshman in high school communicating such a depth of wisdom, and I have no doubt that you have a very bright future ahead of you. Always retain the confidence you showed here, and go rock the world after you graduate!
So people post videos to see if they are hot. Fine good whats the problem? If you get a bad response get over it there will be a lot of un nice said in your life time. Why are we so afraid about what girls think of their looks? People look that's life.
The problem is their motive behind posting the videos. They post them to feel validated by their peers. This is an obvious sign of shaky self esteem, which, for teenagers (girls especially), is almost always caused by society and it's constant bombardment of what's "hot" and what's "ugly". Have you ever noticed that commercials on TV rarely have women bigger than a size 4? Or that most commercials aimed at women are for weight loss or looking younger? Women are held to very specific physical standards in our culture, and when a girl doesn't fit them, they feel ashamed.
Teddi, good job on writing your article. Thank you for sharing the rest of your pursuits with us as well as it made me smile. Your mother is a smart lady, keep listenint to her.
When I find myself in a gathering of people either at a bar or concert as i look upon my surroundings I often notice a girl or three who draw my attention. Why? Because of the way they look. I can't possibly know them but I do know I find them attractive. And so it goes. Reminds me a lttle bit of this true story. A friend of mine was having his first child. His wife was 8 months pregnant and HUGE!!! They came up to me and my friend slaps me on the back all first daddy proud and says to me "When are you going to do this?" I looked t him and then to his wife and thought for a bit and then asked him a question of my own. "Why would I go to all the trouble of finding a sports car that fits me just so only to turn it into a station wagon? After all there were plenty of station wagons out there to begin with." It's a valid question mind you. Of course she the wife slapped me and I would have been surprised if she had not:) A little dissapointed as well.
Yea Jim I hear you but this is a girl thing in particular. The point you make is more akin to how men train themselves by the use of and selection of nude imagery to unknowingly teach themselves what the perfect woman is. There's a very BIG stimulus response thing going on with guys. With some it is as out of control as the needy attention problem. Joined together these two issues drive a lot of adolescent behavior. Sad thing is most adults i.e. parents aren't aware of either dynamic.
Y0u can NOT change the girl thing until you change the guy thing. My own preferences were not formed or trained they came to me. I find a certain girl attractive visually but I will tell you for certain that my preferences do not match identical to anyone else on the planet.. For instance I do not like or prefer the traditional beautiful but go big time for cute and or perky. Not big on blonde, but in general hair color is not big too me. I do like short hair over long for some reason. Not big on big breasts either... More than a hand full is a waist and I got small hands:) My point being I'm not into models or hollywood defined beauty but I have preferences that came to me naturally. I don't think training myself to like what I dont naturally like is well natural and or healthy in the long run nor likely to be successful.. Also what girls want is natural as well... To get the better chance at success in their personal goals which on a very primitive level is likely a good mate or mate options.
Pagan jim
You know what's attractive? Self esteem. You know what's not? Self absorption. The hot or not videos are a nasty mix of girls who are self absorbed and lacking in self esteem and woefully naive. The trend begs the worst dregs of the internet to come forward and post. As a mom of a teen girl, I chat with her continuously about what she does online and have since she was old enough to hold a mouse, explained to her why and how to keep herself safe from trends like this.
The best lesson is to let them know how ugly they are behaving. Needy for approval is one of the ugliest of human behaviors. It will eclipse any physical beauty you may have. Since there parents obviously aren't being parents let them have it. Welcome to the big grown up world kido. It's much safer with mummy but if you insist on dipping your toes into unsupervised behavior let this be one of the many lessons to come.
THANK YOU. The article fixates on the wrong thing here. People aren't wrapped up in their image. They're falling prey to being addicted to attention.
They also believe they are marketing their image and making a name for themselves, creating a "resume life" in which they dream about being a gorgeous 29 year old CEO who runs ultramarathons in her spare time. A shallow, unrealistic and all around silly life.
Most teenagers have no clue about the biggest secret of the adult world. Most of us are as insecure as teenagers. We pick up clever expression of words randomly without trying to dwell into their true meanings, and then speak those "clever" words around ourselves to cover up our own insecurity and stupidity. I am glad 15-year-old Mattox senses we the adult may not have much to teach her.
This young woman has written a very nice editorial. Thank you for that.
During my first week in high school, I asked a girl whom I hardly knew a simple question about an English homework assignment. She responded with "[Y]ou're so ugly you make me sick". I was devastated and the comment haunted me for a long time. That was 35 years ago. I've learned two important things since then: (1) despite what you hear in the media and elsewhere, what's in your heart is more important than your looks and (2) people often say cruel things because they are jealous or threatened by you or just because they don't feel good about themselves and want someone else to hurt. I feel sorry for young women growing up today, where there is so much emphasis on looks and clothes. Girls, if you truly want to have friends and be happy, work on developing what's inside, rather than obsessing with your looks. In the end, being educated, kind and thoughtful of others gets you more friends and boyfriends than physical beauty, however society defines that at the time. As for the girl who insulted me, we actually became good friends after high school. When I mentioned the comment to her many years later, she couldn't remember having said it or why she ever would have said it. I had wasted a lot of emotionally energy taking a comment to heart that was really nothing but a meaningless, passing comment by another insecure 14 year old.
My daughter is 12 and is starting to seek her own individuality. She is comfortable in her own skin and loves who she is. Because I was bullied throughout school for many different reasons, I tried to teach my daughter at an early age to love herself and to speak out against those who try to tear her down. So far, she has a strong voice against pre-teens girls that tease her for being too thin and spreading vicious rumors. I hope and pray that every girl (including my daughter) who faces cruel treatment of this nature stays strong and voices their opinions loudly.
seriously? Your feelings are hurt by a comment... ON THE INTERNET? I mean, in real life, maybe. But the freaking internet? come on. When did people become such pusses? Do they realize that people make some comments on the internet (not this one) just to get a reaction? Those people are called "trolls". Don't listen to them. Stick and stone can break your bones, but words...
...nice idiom. The truth is that words (especially for the vulnerable) can be VERY hurtful. Ask Ms Fluke. Otherwise it would not have been necessary for Limbaugh to apologize.
Uh yeah but Limbaugh should have apologised regardless. People of his mindset are part of what's wrong with our society. Conservatives should take a hard look at the mean-spiritedness of some in their party that lurks just beneath the surface. Remember how "Christian" he and others were in talking about 12-yr-old Chelsea Clinton??
Although it is nothing new that young women feel the need to be seen as attractive, it is sad that they still buy into the idea that being attractive is their only value. If I'd known when I was in high school that I'd be working most of my life, I certainly would have worried about other things, such as equal pay, the right to own a home by myself, even the right to wear what I wanted (within reason) to work. No, in the 60s we were not allowed to wear slacks to work. Anything we owned when we got married, in most states, became our husband's property, or at least half his. All we had in those days to make us special was our looks. (Just watch the movie "The Help" and see what southern women were allowed to care about.)
It seems that today, society has reverted to those days, those values. Women are losing those rights we fought so hard to gain. There is so much more for young women to care about, to value, to fight for. Don't pay attention to those people who would tear you down. Treasure your differences. Love yourself. Having other people's approval isn't the most important thing in this world. Yes, I know, we all want to be considered beautiful. And we all are in someone's eyes. No one is beautiful in everyone's eyes. Accept that and go on. Let the magazines, movies, TV, everyone know that they aren't going to tell you what to value most in your life. Stay away from those websites that will bring you down if you let them. Be strong. There is beauty in all of us. Love yourself and someone else will, too.
Boys and Men die more of virtually every malady in this world more than women (yet receive less federal funding for their diseases), are thrown into jail and are victims of violence at a rate absurdly higher than women, commit suicide at much higher rates, are educated less, receive less government scholarships for any education they do receive, make up 9 times the homeless, and control less overall wealth in this country than women, along with a host of other absurd statistics.
In other words, stop whining about the plight of the American woman. It makes you sound ignorant.
statistics do not tell the whole story. to reply to just one of your misconstrued facts:
http://www.healthieryou.com/mhexpert/exp1030501a.html
it is never a good game to play who's got it worse off, nobody wins
Sources? Just because it sounds right to you doesn't mean it's true.
Kat, are you hopeful that what I've said isn't true because you'd like to continue ignoring it? A+ you're touting feminist shibboleths, which while intriguing, isn't smart. Here you go for your data - note I'm quoting the CDC and other accepted government agencies, while you quote blogs –> http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/Suicide_DataSheet-a.pdf, http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf,
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/NCI/research-funding,
http://nces.ed.gov/fastfacts/display.asp?id=98,
http://www.societaldistress.org/files/HO-HAR2009.pdf
Oh, and A+, the fact that women "attempt" more suicides while men actually kill themselves would make me far more likely to wonder why men are killing themselves, instead of the opposite, which is what you're doing. And I say that as a doctor.
Are we really surprised that hateful people are attacking this young woman's insightful and incredibly well written article? Let's think about what has happened this week to set the women's right's movement back 50 years. There are a select few in society whose voices are among the loudest and who have completely abandoned any illusion of participating in civil discourse. Instead they will sit in judgment of the girls who post the videos, the young girl who writes about how sad this trend is, and any young woman who tries to speak up on behalf women around the country. Let's face it, there are a whole lot of people out there who think women are nothing but a nuisance. I look forward to the day when we actually have the respect we have fought so hard to earn.
I actually find YOU, and people like you a nuisance!
It's always the same song, isn't it?
"Feel sorry for me!"
"The world isn't fair1"
"I'm a victim!"
We are all "victims" in one way or another! PERHAPS if people would stop being so needy and stop looking for validation and self-esteem through the opinion of others, PERHAPS they would be happier.
I know I am!
Also, the author talks about young girls needing "positive" messages? Seriously? Look around you young lady!
More woman in colleges than men!
Women participating in historically male dominated sports!
Unemployment rate for woman lower than men!
Countless TV ads, internet blogs, and newspaper articles praising the accomplished woman!
Woman's studies programs at most major colleges!
8! Different forms of birth control!
Major events that focus ONLY on women's health issues! (Susan Komen etc...)
Countless programs only to help "woman!"
FMLA!
And on and On!
When will it be enough SO woman can finally feel they are not "victimized?"
Where the #$!! are the parents that should be supervising minors' use of the computer already? And maybe a lesson needs to be learned by these kids – ask a dumb question, you have to live with the answer. And if you ask that dumb question of a bunch of people with 3 collective brain cells, you're probably not going to like the answer.
I just want to put all these kids in a room and say 1) "Anyone who puts more stock in what a person looks like over who they are, isn't worth concerning yourself over" and 2) "Many of the 'popular'/'attractive' kids in high school loose their looks after high school and have nothing else to fall back on".
When I find myself in a gathering of people either at a bar or concert as i look upon my surroundings I often notice a girl or three who draw my attention. Why? Because of the way they look. I can't possibly know them but I do know I find them attractive. And so it goes. Reminds me a lttle bit of this true story. A friend of mine was having his first child. His wife was 8 months pregnant and HUGE!!! They came up to me and my friend slaps me on the back all first daddy proud and says to me "When are you going to do this?" I looked t him and then to his wife and thought for a bit and then asked him a question of my own. "Why would I go to all the trouble of finding a sports car that fits me just so only to turn it into a station wagon? After all there were plenty of station wagons out there to begin with."
I think young men have higher self esteem issues than girls, why is the young male suicide rate 5 times higher than the young female suicide rate?
You're confused, our society laughs off the trials of young men while making any issue of young women (in this case, feeling unattractive) a matter of national discourse.
In other words, many of these quasi-feminist posters probably don't know and don't care about that statistic. Of course, if it were girls committing suicide at a rate 5 times higher than boys, watch out!
Pleaseeeeee, NO MORE PATHETIC INSECURE TEEN STORIES.........THIS IS SOOOOO OLD
OLD == UNIMPORTANT
Exercise your right not to read it then. It may be important to others-and therefore very necessary.
This issue may be old, but it is far from resolved, passe. Please don't read these stories if they upset you. But let the rest of us see the problem, that it still exists, and try to work it out. Thanks.
The story is not about insecurity. You should really read it before writing something nasty or negative. I did read the story and you are behaving like the people she described on Youtube.
As a teenager, I was teased nonstop about my looks. I was told my nose was too big, my hair was too frizzy and anything else they could find. Instead of being myself and learning to accentuate my positive attributes, I tried to emulate the girls considered "popular." Fast forward to my freshman year in college. I learned to be myself and was not surrounded by the now-called bullies. I was considered attractive and it took a long time for me to believe that about myself. Now, at high school reunions, I have been told (many times) that the "boys" missed out. I now realize that I did not miss anything as they were (and most still are) loosens.
I would be proud to have you as a daughter.
For some unknown reason, women of all ages want to be told they are the most beautiful woman in the world. On one hand they already sort of think they are, but they are constantly looking for that confirmation. It's going to a wonderful time when women put all that effort into their own personal accomplishments rather than worrying about what others think.
Insecurity is a part of the teenage process. It is not something they can simply overcome because it takes time. Along with the feelings of indestructibility they have this invisible audience. The latter is the reason why they have to check themselves out every time they walk past a mirror, and whey they're mortified by their parents and embarrassed all the time. This disappears when they transition into 20's when their hormones are stabilized.
Slow news day? Good lord...
This is clearly labeled as an "opinion"-meaning it is not necessarily news...and does not have to be. This is a 15 year-old girl who put herself on the line to try to help others. One of the whole points of her post was to point out snarky comments much like yours and state how they can hurt and undermine people's sense of well being.
Teddi Noel Maddox-I am 2 teenage girls' mama, and I think your opinion is spot on and incredibly valuable. You are a strong, beautiful girl! Thank you for reaching out to help other folks who aren't feeling quite so strong today!!!
And congratulations to her mother who cared enough to check out the website and tell her she couldn't join it. Too many parents won't take the time these days.
Please out a real bit of news on your front page CNN. Teach your kids better values than how pretty you look or whether you should or shouldn't pay attention to hot or not ..
How isn't this real news? The fact that our youth (myself being one of them) are faced with onslaughts of negativity each day is important. I have the opposite view; CNN, posts of these kind are more of what teens need to see. We can take advice from our parents and elders all we want, but we're far more likely to listen when one of our peers is speaking.
How about posting about young male suicide instead of teen women "I'm unattractive and feel bad" drama? Boys commit suicide 5 times more often than girls, yet I've seen a second posting about the "self-esteem" of teen girls in the opinion section of CNN. Both issues may be important, but I'd argue one is more important than the other, wouldn't you?
Ridiculous.
It's unfortunate how society has grown to become shallow and superficial. Especially when you think about what this superficialness is doing to our youth. We're supposed to be raising our kids to be independent, hard working, and hopeful for their future, but it's obvious that it doesn't take much to destroy one's perception of themselves. Well, beauty is inner strength, what good deeds you do in your life, and what you can bring to this world. Ms. Mattox knows what's what, and has a good head on her shoulders. AT least no all of our youth has been destroyed.
Society has always been shallow and superficial. Archeologists dig up jewelry and adornments dating way back to the Egyptian times and prior.
Come on CNN, most of those videos are by spammers looking to get advertising dollars channeled to their attractive bank accounts. You fell for that nonsense? Suckers, you just helped the spammers get more hits.
Yeah. Well unfortunately I think many girls see those videos and try and do their own
Shame on you. Apparently you don't have teenage daughters/sons/nieces/ or nephews because you are clearly clueless. This is a very real and dangerous trend; it may have started with spammers, but trust me there are plenty of young teenage girls that have hopped on the bandwagon.
You'd be wrong I have teenage son, but I raised him right so he doesn't walk around bearing such insecurities.
It's disappointing (and sadly ironic) to see a series of hurtful, negative comments on a thoughtful and insightful article. Women's fragile self-esteem is a very real issue and is so widespread that it's become taboo ("annoying"/"pathetic") to address it. A woman's appearance is tied closely to her self-worth from early on in life. She's reinforced by her friends and peers for being 'cute' much more often than being 'smart' and 'strong'. There is tremendous social pressure to compete on beauty.
There is a way to get thru to her – love you! Not in an arrogant ,im better or hotter than you way...but the 'i like me and express me everyday cause I rock and I love me" way! Then maybe she will get it too! Every woman is beautiful in her iwn way! I love the variety of life...so many shapes and sizes and ways of being and expressiones – its awesome! Revel and enjoy who YOU are!
It's disappointing (and sadly ironic) to see a series of hurtful, negative comments on a thoughtful and insightful article. Women's fragile self-esteem is a very real issue and is so widespread that it's become taboo ("annoying"/"pathetic") to address it. A woman's appearance is tied closely to her self-worth from early on in life. She's reinforced by her friends and peers for being 'cute' much more often than being 'smart' and 'strong'. There is tremendous social pressure to compete on beauty.
God our almighty creator doesn't make junk, and He has formed you and loves you. God never uses one’s outward physical appearance to determine beauty.
When the prophet Samuel examined Jesse’s sons in search of the next king of Israel, God told Samuel: “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).
Nothing in a person’s outward appearance impresses God. God looks upon the inner beauty, the beauty of one’s heart.
Can you please leave all the imaginary god/bible BS out, many people dont want to see that. Keep living in your imaginary world if it makes you happy, but I would rather not have to see it. Thanks!
Can you please keep your anti-christian atheist bias BS out of it? A lot of people don't want to see it.
I'd rather not have to see your BS but we can't all get what we want. Learn to deal with it and drive on. The world doesn't bend to you despite what your parents told you when you were growing up spoiled rotten in happy-go-lucky suburbia, USA. I'm not religious but some people are and appreciate the viewpoint. So overlook it and move on to comments that do make sense to you
I agree. This is an article about real people not some supernatural being. Let's stay on track with this discussion.
Fox
Can you please keep your anti-christian atheist bias BS out of it? A lot of people don't want to see it.
So it is ok for so called Christians to throw God into everything? Unless it is a religion posting, leave religion out of it.
Your comic book hero has nothing to do with this.
What a great writer this young lady is at 15! I am very impressed!
Sadly, it obviously takes nothing to impress you. This is a poorly written article, even for a 15 year old. Let me give you just ONE example. Consider this sentence:
:That doesn’t erase the damage that was done by the hurtful comments a person could’ve posted."
Seriously now, you are telliing us that what someone COULD Have posted, MIGHT have posted, will DA<AGE you??? You mean I am damaged because I think I could have been born deformed in some way? Or that I COULD have won the lottery but havn't so I am damaged? Or that I am damaged because YOU might post something here about me?Really??????
What kind of "thought process" is this?
Impressed my rear end!
Your comment was a perfect example of what the author was talking about – hurtful comments posted for no reason other than to disparage someone.
'merika... you guys get the country you deserve.
Yes we do.
Jealous, are we?
It's the product of a republican dominated country, that much is obvious.
Hi! I'm here to give people crap and make offensive comments! Thank you for reading.
That is all.
I like.
Absolutely. An excellent essay. I especially like the fact that Ms Mattox acknowledges the fact that positive support really does matter – to young girls, as well as to everyone else. And unfortunately, physical beauty is still the most important determinant of many girls' self worth.
Notice that CNN runs a photo of a very beautiful girl, sitting in front of her mirror. If external beauty really did not matter, why not use a picture of a girl who is outwardly plain, or even ugly?
IS she really beautiful..??? And if they used a picture of girl who was "plain" or whatever by "the norm" - imagine the comments...
I love this article. My goodness when I was in high school I was emotionally battered by people telling me that "You are not enough." What an inspiring article to read from a teenager! It is my goal to spread this among women struggling with these thoughts of self deprecation.
i hate you
Wow this is stupid. I'm not the best looking guy myself, but if you're going to go on youtube to ask people how you look then you are just pathetic. I have no sympathy for people who just want their ego stoked, go out and live your life!
I totally agree with you! The world is bloated with huge egos. Get real, people, be thankful and appreciative, life is sweet! To these pathetic girls posting these questions on UTube...get a life. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen, Special Olimpics, hospital, etc. It will put things in perspective!
Shallow, vapid, needy, pointless, and a waste of time. It would serve young women better to develop a personality or fret over their intelligence instead . . .
That might be possible if the media and society as a whole stopped focusing on outward appearance as the sole determinant of a person's worth or "hotness". There are a whole lot of outwardly beautiful/handsome people out there who are hideous inside, but guess who gets the attention? Yes, it would be wonderful if people's eyes would see the soul of a person as well as their physical attributes – "Shallow Hal" was a perfect example. Silly, fluffy movie, but the point was clear. My husband isn't the world's handsomest man, but I'd take him over the Hollywood pretty boys any day, because he loves me, treats me well, makes me laugh, and makes me incredibly happy. But until and unless people start valuing substance over veneer, nothing will change overall.
There is a late teen who works at a coffee shop in our neighborhood. May not be gorgeous in a physical sense but is totally beautiful overall. Why? Ready smile. Cheerful disposition. Well groomed (no purple/spiked hair). Modestly dressed. Just a joy to be around. Now THAT is beautiful.
She sounds ugly.
Her pic is right next to the editor's note.
I'd tap it in 3 years
IT's called OCD and part is genetic, part is diet. IT's called reassurance seeking in OCD.
This is wrong.
Keep up the good work Teddi. You are are a great writer, and you are changing lives and helping those in need already. Thanks for shedding some light on this important topic. Everyone is beautiful.
Hot or not? Who cares, love is just a light switch away...
Whatever flips your switch...
I have a friend who thinks she is fat and ugly. I wish there was a way to convince her that it isn't true.
You have a great sense of humor! Thanks for the laugh.
two words: PLASTIC SURGERY
Women are so subjective, and extremely possessiveness – pathetic. Darla Konke, you're reading this? You're fugly, and your name should be in this article.
Jon is so hatefulness.
LOL @MikeBigD
Haha nice.
And you are the type of person that causes many of the problems.
In my humble opinion, the young lady who authored this article did an excellent job in writing it. The form and articulation is superb. I wish her many years of writing excellence!
keep your opinion to yourself
I think she'll do just fine